Since there is this #things2013taughtme trend in twitter, I decided to write and look back to the highlights which made my 2013.
FIRST. Show love and care.
In my younger years, I often take the people around me for granted, specially my parents. It’s like I don’t appreciate what they are doing (well not totally, its like what I’m showing to them is not enough ), its like even though I know that everything they do is for my own good, still I put my stubbornness on top. Last November 25th, I had the chance to talk to myself. I was walking from school thinking on how I will make peace with a friend when something poped-out in my head. I realized that I ain’t getting any younger and so it means my parents are also getting their hairs gray. My Mom keeps on complaining that I’m not even sharing nor even talking to her about school or even my personal experiences. And my Dad, we were so close when I was a kid. I’m magically transferred from living room to my bed and that’s because of him. I miss laughing out loud with him. I miss those piggy back rides and those songs he sing to me everytime I cry. I can’t imagine how society changed me, and how social network pushed me away from them. This time, it’s my turn to show how they mean to me. It’s my time to give back all the love they’ve given me. Little by little I can achieve this.
SECOND. Looking back isn’t so negative
At some point in life, we have to look back. Not to see how the world changed, but to get back some people who suddenly disappeared. Yes, I am pro to ‘moving on’ what I am trying to say is that there are those FRIENDS, old friends that unconsciously we loss because there are new ones coming. This happens, really. There’s this an old friend of mine whom I haven’t talked to for like years. She visited me at home and I never imagined that our conversation will still be like when we were in elementary. Though time separated us, still we managed to turn the buried memories alive. Looking back isn’t so bad, we never know how good they can contribute our future. This reminds me of my favorite so Time after time, it says "If you’re lost, you can look and you will find me
Time after time.”
THIRD. It’s never too late to mend a broken friendship
Last August, I made the worst thing in my life. I burst out something that was supposed to be kept. Ofcourse the person got offended and we never talked for three months. She got extremely mad. She confronted me with blazing teary eyes and pin pointed my face asking me WHY I had to do such thing. It’s like she wanted to kill me in that very moment. I felt so sorry for her, I cried a lot and my heart pumped so fast. I didn’t said anything because I knew that words are useless those time. I accepted all the things she wanted to tell me. After that moment, we never spoke not even looking at each other’s eyes. Seems that there is something so heavy in my chest whenever I go to our apartment knowing that she is there. It’s not that my pride is too high, I was just afraid, too afraid to be rejected. I didn’t know how to apologize until November 25 came. I brought her fruits, but before that I walked for 30 minutes in adjacent places thinking over and over again if I can do such thing. Finally, God gave me the courage. I handed her my peace offering and cried a lot. Said my sincerest “sorry” and she said “forget about it.” And then she gave me her genuine smile. That was the thing I missed the most. And it made my day, she means a lot to me. Like a sister. Yes, I made a mistake. But it doesn’t mean I do not love her. I thank her so much, for giving me another chance.
FOURTH. Be courageous enough to say “I’m sorry”
People make mistake, that’s given. In order to be forgiven we need to say our sincerest sorry to the person but that forgiveness is useless if we didn’t see the lessons it teaches us.
FIFTH. Always find time to reflect.
My way of reflecting is through writing. And that’s what I’m currently doing. This is where I find bliss. This year is about to end and it gave me so much to remember. Some must be left behind and ofcourse there are lots to be reminisced. I write everything I feel, all my dramas even in the smallest details are written in my diary (medyo poetic nga lang minsan).And one more thing! Treat yourself with a GOOD book! Feed your mind.
These are the five things I learned in 2013. 2014 is fast approaching, may we always see bright side of life, appreciate the people around, see the goodness in every mistake and to learn to live, laugh and love. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Today, I am going to forgive myself for what I did. I know how bad and how it get ruined everything but I realized that life goes on. Last night I wanted to jump from the highest building ever made, I want to cross on a road and get hit by a ten wheeler truck and just forget the world. Last night, last night I wanted to get drunk and just die. I know how angry you are to me, I don’t know if you can still forgive me but you know I have to be strong, for myself. I made a mistake, I rule my life and I guess it is just another lesson to be learned. I am sorry if I was not able to anticipate what would happen after that move. I am sorry I was too irresponsible.
Last night I wished I could bring back the time, but I could not. Today is another day. I have to live my life and live with the lesson I got from this. Today is a new day. I have to be stronger and braver because I know God would not give me this situation if He knows I cannot handle this. I know I made a mess and let time heal that. My words can never mend your mad heart but I just wish you could still find in there that I did care. You may not see it but deep within me, I have it.
Today is Saturday, April 13, 2013 and I feel like telling my friends about my alter ego. This is something only a college buddy and my sister knows and oh, my
ex-boyfriend also does. I’ve have been through many cycles of thinking if I really need to tell this to you because I don’t know what will be the outcome of this action. But since you are my friend, I think you have the right to know about this stuff because you don’t have any idea what’s happening to me when we are together, eating on the same table and talking about random things.
Here it is buddy, I want you to know that I have problem in terms of dealing with other people. I easily get nervous when in front of them, my hand trembles, my feet releases too many sweat and there it goes, the communication with the other person gets </3 ruined. There was a time when I was with my aunt, living at the same house (to my college buddies, su apartment mi), the feeling is really different. It feels like I’m in different world and it feels like there’s no enough oxygen to breath in. So I told my sister that I can’t make another day living with a person I am not comfortable with, I cannot eat well because the trembling feeling is always there. I wanted to act normally but I just can’t. The feeling comes out suddenly, it distracts me like there’s no more tomorrow and guuuh, and it’s really difficult having this problem. I was shocked when my sibling told me that she also experiencing such thing, she told me that the feeling was triggered when she got pressured in her accountancy class and everytime she eats, the feeling is not normal. But she went through it, not she goes to many travels with different buddies, so I guess someday I can do it also. She told me that I don’t need to hurry eating my foods and don’t think about the monster within me. I think she’s right, because everytime the little monster bugs me, I think of happy thoughts and thinks that the persons I’m with cares about me and loves me, and will never judge me.
I am trying, yes trying very well to be comfortable with the people I love most and to the people I wanted to be with. Kasi ayokong mawala sila bigla having the thought of “ang boring nya naming kasama.” But if you are my friend and I’m comfortable with you, well, congratulations to you, kasi mapili tong kondisyon ko eh. Iilan lang ang pinakikisamahan.
I can’t hate having a disorder like this because God gave me so many reasons to be thankful everyday. I am thankful because I have you, my friend and most importantly, I am thankful because I know you will understand my situation. If you are going to tell me that I need to see a doctor, well I guess I don’t have to. I can still handle myself and when the time comes na hindi ko na talaga kaya, tatakbo na ako kay Dok.
So guys, I’m sorry if I’m a little bit boring especially when we eat outside. Honestly I hate then ambiance of some fast food chains especially yung sobrang malamig sa loob at yung nangangamoy ng sobra ang foods. But no, this doesn’t mean na din a tayo kakain kung saan saan. I just need you guys to understand me and make every meal blissful. Sorry kung maarte ako minsan sa pagkain,kasi pag tinotopak ako nitong anxiety problem ko, parang ayaw nya na mag take in ng foods. Kaya nga ang bagal kong kumain minsan, eto din ang reason kung gusto kong palaging naka upo sa pinaka side kasi ayaw kong pinagmamasdan or pinapansin the way I eat my food. And to my highschool buddies, eto din yung rason kung bakit ayaw ko sumama masyado sa gatherings kasi alam ko ang tatakaw nyo.HAHA.
Alam nyo naman na di ko ginusto na magkaroon nito, kaya sana anjan lang kayo parati. I’ll be fine soon, let’s just hope and pray. Basta ano man mangyari, I’m still thankful. I think I inherited this from my great greats. Kasi si ate meron din, yung isa naman Bipolar. Ang saya diba. It’s all in the mind. Nakaya nga ni ate labanan, syempre dapat kayanin ko rin J. Di rin ako masyado nag woworry because I have a strong God and I won’t let this be the hindrance to get a good friend like you. Sana walang magbago kahit sinabi ko to sainyo.
The girl with Social Anxiety Disorder
|Friend:||Why do you choose tumblr than facebook?|
|Me:||Because everything seems to be beautiful in Tumblr, no plastic, just people being real :)|